My Blurred Reality

I'm writing my story in hopes of hearing yours.


I'm just a soul wondering this plain trying to find the meaning. I have never written anything in my life but I feel the need to find a place to write my life's story down somewhere before my time is up. So if anyone is reading this thank you and I truly hope you're enjoying the life you have and enjoy my story on how I perceived this life of mine.

So let's begin my story on the day of my surgery and then I will tell the story of my life. For three years before the surgery I was living in pain So I was looking forward to the pain being over. I remember falling asleep on the operating table excited for the future but I awoke to the most pain I never knew you could go through. I remember the nurses screaming for the doctor and them screaming at me to breath just when I was wondering would it ever end I was gone.  Remember standing next to someone and being so overfilled with joy. When I died on that operating table and went somewhere and met those people. I have longed to go back ever since and truly believe all of me didn't come back. I can say it's the pain changing the way my mind works but I have this feeling that all of me didn't come back.But at this point I will go back to the beginning of my story so you can understand what brought me to this point. So before I take this first or last step depending on how you look at it, I want to write about who I thought I was in this world. So before I write what I witnessed over there I'm going to start my story.


I know I said I would start my story but I want you to get an idea who I am and why I believe everyone lives in their own reality. Every human sees the world different we all live in our own reality, we see things the way we want to see them. I now know everyone has their own reality on what they see. This may sound weird but what I mean is when you see someone take an action in some form you will think why this action was done in you own way. I will give an example, Someone sees a person in need and decides to help him/her out.The people watching this pan our will either think that he's/she's doing this just to look good or actually wanting to help this person out. Most humans think people have motives for every action someone takes.because of this everyone's reality is different from the person next to them. But the way I've lived my life up to this point has been to be nice to every human I could in hopes this action would put a smile in their day. I have no motives behind my actions and the choices I make, which then puts me in my own reality. I always believed a smile a day could go so far. But I've now heard people don't think I was being nice but thought I was better than them. This is what I mean by everyone has their own reality. I do apologize to anyone I may have offended but I'm not sadden by people thinking this of me because I didn't do it in the first place to make people like me. I truly just want to make people happy. We all have a short time on this plain of existence and please try to enjoy it the most you can with taking into that there are other humans around you. I have always known since I was a young boy that I can not enjoy this plain the way one should. I just care too much and want to put someone's feeling before mine.  Sometimes wish this wasn't the case because being like this has also had a lot of bad side effects. Let's start

So I'm going to go back in time and talk about my childhood the way I seen it, again I want who ever is reading this that the way someone else seen my childhood was in there own way and doesn't line up with the way I seen it. Doesn't mean the way they seen it is wrong and mine is right. But this is my story so I have to tell it the way my mind persevered it. 

 My early memory's are growing up in a small town with my mother,two sisters and step dad (Carl). I will start with My mother whom I love with all my heart so anything I say isn't a knock at her as a mother. She was given a hard life which I could go into but this is my story. But I will tell a little about her and how our family started. My mother had my oldest sister at 15 years old so she was thrown into mother hood very young. When she found out she was pregnant with my sister her mother told her to sleep with my dad to make him think that it was his daughter. I can't say I would make the same choice as a father now but my grandma thought it was the only way, different times.So the two married and had two more children my sister and I. I can't say how her and my dad got along because they divorced when I was just a baby. So my mother moved away from my father and moved to small town with a man who called himself my stepdad but they never married. My mother was a kind mother and was very much about saying I love you as much as she could. But my stepdad (Carl) wasn't so kind and this man I believed started the foundation on who I would become. I can go very much into a lot of details on what he did to Colette and Theresa but like I said this is my story so I will tell you what I seen what he did to them and me. I'm sure there was more what he did but I wasn't there. I was just a baby when they moved in together but my earliest memory's which I will start light and move a little darker on this man. First he would put tinfoil on the windows in our bedrooms so we wouldn't know if it's light or dark. We had to go to bed right after dinner, which now I know he must have looked at us like a Burden. You may ask where my mother was but l don't remember her around to much. I just remember her sound during the day and be gone after dinner. I have been told she went to bingo a lot but I can't say if this is so. Like I said people see there reality different then others so maybe she was there and just didn't want to be hurt by Carl so she may have his. But let's continue on with this so call man and how he treated me and my sisters. If we were loud in anyway I remember being forced to neal in the corner of my room with my face pointed into the corner of two walls. My sister and I shared a room so I remember a lot of times being force to neal in one corner and My sister in the other for hours and hours at a time. If we were to fall asleep Carl would hit us and yell. I believe this is why My sister and I become so close, all we had was each other. But you may be saying you had another sister, which I wish I could say was getting treated better then us but she was very far from it. Carl would do the things no man should do to child and is why I believe he would force me and My sister in the corners, more time to do these things to my oldest sister. But I must continue this story and wish I could write more about what my oldest sister went through. We'll continue on from that and tell you more about Carl's punishments he would give out. I couldn't count on how many times I was locked in a very dark and tiny space for hours, I want to say a crawl space but I was only 4 years old at the time. These are things that no human should go through let alone a child. But Carl was not done with he's stile of punishment. He had a shed that he liked to bring me to and whip me, I can't say if he did this to my sisters but his reason for doing this to me was as he said it "to make me a man".  You would think these memory's are the worst but my worst was walking in on him doing things to my oldest sister and me wanted to protect her so I jumped on his back and started hitting him over and over. Keep in mind I was around five years old at this time. But as I'm hitting him he looks back at me right in my eyes and starts to laugh and well he's laughing he says so you think your a man do you, then he through me out of the room well still laughing at me. This moment is what made me want to be a protector and was determined to get as big and strong as I could to kill this person. These things he did to me and my sister where not a one time thing but my life for the first 6 years of my life. I believe this first 6 years of my life is what made me start thinking about philosophy. With all the time I was either in the corner or in the crawl space all I had was my mind. But then just like that my mother found out what Carl was doing to colette and picked us up and left to prince rupert. This will be my first chapter of my life and I will continue later on the next chapter.